So ya know when you spend a week terrified you have cancer and you keep thinking-
ok, Friday is the test and I’ll know after that...?

well, Friday came and went. The test happened. And the results were inconclusive... so I still am in pain. And I still don’t know if I have liver cancer.

Most folks have been awesome and supportive, especially my family. I know I have amazing friends but it was nice to have the reminder.

It’s funny... life goes on during these moments. It’s probably for the best because otherwise I would just be obsessing. But all the distraction I know hasn’t been working. I have all this support on the internet and in my phone but I don’t have anyone to come over and hug me really. I’d probably hate it anyway but I wouldn’t mind the gesture right now.

so next steps are to see a GI and see about a biopsy.

accepting the woo, good vibes and love...

Well shit.... I was enjoying my time in Florida (more on that later), I started having pretty bad upper right abdominal pain. I immediately feared kidney issues (side effect of being a kidney donor).... but all told, it seemed like gallbladder disease. I tried to suck it up and avoid the ER mostly because my insurance, while great and a national network, can be a nightmare out of state.

So I returned to Philly and made an appt with a doctor in my medical group in NYC. I headed up to do that and hang with my sister and niece.

I went full on self advocate and the doc thought probably gallbladder... so I got an ultrasound and....

Liver nodule... 2.5x2.4x3 cm....

hopefully benign.

MRI with contrast is next but have to get the kidney levels back first.

yes I’m terrified.

I’m not done yet.

ps- anyone who tells me cancer is caused by emotional blocks or tells me “this too shall pass” or gives me any one liners or BS like that will be hexed and haunted in a scary way when I die. How you can support me: affirm
how scary this is; tell me you are here; listen; send a box of kittens or puppies.

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After a really beautiful (and somewhat challenging) trip to Hawaii, I headed back to Philly.

oh, by the WAY! Guess what??!!! On the way to Hawaii, I didn’t take ANY Xanax on the 12 hour flight!!!! And I experienced almost no fear! I was really proud of myself. For those of you who don’t know, I have a pretty big fear of flying that I have been working on consistently for 4 years. I took the Fear of Flying Clinic (which I highly recommend) and still fly, because sometimes you just have to do it scared.... but this was a huge step for me. I took two Xanax on the way home because it was a red eye but sadly I barely slept.

I got home on almost no sleep in 24 hours to news that my mom has a brain aneurysm.

yeah.

I don’t want to get too much into it because it’s more stuff I should share in therapy (which I know I sometimes— read: often— cross the line on here), but this was a huge shock. My mom is almost 75 and in amazing health. She is a straight up amazon. I am so grateful for her. We have had our fair share of struggles but she is a really amazing woman. I never have thought she would be the parent I might lose first. So this was very scary.

So she had non invasive brain surgery (which, I KNOW!!! SCIENCE!!!!) and that F#%* she did. The surgeon was very glad they removed it because it was pretty dangerous.

But we got to decorate the tree before she went in and she bounced back hella fast!!! I mean, she is definitely an Amazon. She was back to herself the next day and even an hour after surgery she was joking around and remembered the nurses names more than I did!

So I got a house sit in South Florida and hit the road for sunnier locals!

And no- #persephonevan’s sensors still haven’t been fixed!!!! But they should be in stock when I return so yay! See ya on the beach, ya’ll!!! 😘😘😘

So I will leave the bad at this: the sit was not as represented to me. Due to personal events I don’t want to share here, the homeowner and I decided to end the sit after 5 weeks instead of 10. I helped her to find a replacement sitter so all was well.


After the sit ended I was able to enjoy the island, and enjoy I did!

One last sunset for ya!

Really got to enjoy the water and even got to swim with dolphins!!! This was a dream come true and I CANNOT wait to do it again!!!

I’m not great at video but dam that was amazing!!! Amazing company and a perfect end to a weird Hawaii adventure!

Hey all! So, Hawaii was a situation. For those of you keeping track, you might have realized from that past tense sentence that it’s over. And in fact, it ended after 5 weeks. There is so much to say and share about Hawaii so I am going to split it into three parts: the good, the end, and the fun.

so, Hawaii started awesome!

I flew all the way from JFK with NO XANAX!!!! I was so proud of myself. Total advanced fear of flying clinic!

​I got there and had a night at a hotel and it was lovely!

Next up was going to the house where I was house sitting! It had the most amazing view and was so lovely!

I joined the gym! And I started on my sabbatical project! I started training for a 5k and was feeling hella good! I went to the farmers market and got an avocado the size of my HEAD! It was lovely and basically your standard- this is what hawaii is!

And that’s about where the good ended....

​next up: the bad.