Organs don’t take sabbatical

There is a lot of good news here... so far.... and I’m trying way hard to focus on that part.

I’m probably having surgery to have the nodule removed....

good news-
1- I probably don’t have cancer
2- I have the time and space for surgery
3- I have great health insurance
4- I have great doctors who listen and take my pain seriously.

I meet with the surgeon next week.

I’m not gonna lie: I’m scared. The only in patient surgery I have had was the transplant, so... For those of you who aren’t intimately involved with the story, I’ll sum up with— it was traumatizing...

in sum: I donated my kidney in May 2008 to my close friend, Pai Tama. I was alone because I didn’t know I shouldn’t be. It hurt more than I can explain. It was very lonely. They did not take my pain seriously. The recipient died three months later. Everything about that experience sends me into tears when I think about it and when I think about surgery.

But I am in pain and have been since the end of December. I just want this out of my body. And we all just need to think positive that it’s not cancer. Ok??