Yo, I'm all up in this Jawn. You can tell by the Wawa Coffee

That's right! Back to Philly (and Hoboken) to see family! Family is family.... so I set off to Philly proper for a visit with someone who sadly turned out to be a huge liar (see previous rant about liars).

Totally made the best of it and went to the Art Museum steps  (because, when you are trying to maintain... Rocky)

Finally went to the Mutter Museum!!! Although they won't let you take pics, so this is all I could get

We also went to some dive bars I frequented in my late teens! All in all, at least I had some fun and made the best out of a bad situation! I also got some serious closure which was what I was looking for...

A couple of the states I had yet to visit were Vermont and Maine so I figured what better time to see them than in the fall?? And yes indeed they did not disappoint!

The deep bone chilling cold that is unique to fall had me cooking soup and sipping coffee under the covers of #persephonevan.

In Maine, I got to see a Fest friend and her daughter, who is amazing and magical. We ate yummy seafood and drank wine and I got to listen to hours of reading from her daughter. I then head to Portland and a seaside campsite!

the cold had me wearing my pussy hat and bundling up!

Next up was Vermont and more Fest sisters! The sweetness was amazing and magical and I felt refilled!

I decided to head north and drive through Canada and then to the Northeast for the lovely fall colors. W

wow, yeah, the temperature definitely took a dive! Burr!!!

Entry into Canada was easy and smooth. I then went to a campground in Ontario. The following day, I hit the road and met up with some amazing womyn, my favorite couple! They layered me up with warm clothing and we headed out on a Jane walk- feminist walking tour of Toronto. It was so great to see them and experience Toronto that way!

From Toronto I headed to Quebec and stayed at an adorable little hotel. I'll say that the metric system and French had me realizing that I need to start studying for my trip to Europe in the spring.

OK, y'all... real talk: I'm a Cancer....

So, love and feels and all that shit is gonna be all up in here, always.... so, feel free to ignore if you are here for the vanlife stuff and not the semi unrelated Cancer feels....

FEELS

SO MANY FEELS!!!!!

Yeah... so, here's my question: why do people lie? like I get it... I was an addict for a long time. I lied from the time I was young, as a survival mechanism. I needed to lie when I was younger. And then when I was slightly older, I lied out of habit... I took that into my addiction as a kind of natural skill.

When I got clean on 6/21/2007, I stopped all that. I learned skills to be an adult: emotion regulation, distress tolerance, self care, and rigorous honesty.

That doesn't mean I am an asshole under the guise of being "blunt." It just means I am transparent, and real. I won't sleep with multiples unless all are aware; I won't cheat; I won't even flirt if I'm in something. I just tell the truth. It's pretty easy actually...

I guess 29 year old me gets the lying... I was afraid that the world would be cruel to me if I were honest; or that I would lose out; that people wouldn't be able to hold that space for me. I guess I still operated from a 13 year old or 5 year old me space.... The world wasn't safe then. The people who were supposed to protect me and love me and be there for me weren't. I was alone. So 29 year old me was still operating from that space of fear.

But then I got clean.

Then I got therapy.

Then I fixed my shit.

Then I grew up and became an adult who healed that wounded little one inside me.

I learned to emotionally regulate. I learned that self care is sexy.

So now I practice rigorous, radical honesty.

And in the end, that leads to me being hurt sometimes.... I mean, I guess it's not my honesty that causes the hurt. It's others' lack there of....

so, how the ef does this relate to vanlife????

I dunno. Maybe it doesn’t.

I’m still interested in meeting my person even in #vanlife. So this creates a conundrum. Being a single woman in vanlife means I have to protect myself and be weary of a lot of folks and situations. But/and I have to trust someone to fall in love. They have to show they are trustworthy. But I feel like most people aren’t. And yet... still... I believe in possibilities....

Edited to add: I figured out what this has to do with Vanlife!!! So you solo Vanlifers will probably understand this feeling- it can be very lonely. It sometimes feels like I have the whole world in front of me, but other times it feels like I live in between constantly. I feel like I am homeless, groundless. When I have a plan for two to three weeks, I’m good. But when connections end, and I can go anywhere, I feel lost and alone. Like no one wants me. This makes connecting on the road even more valuable and meaningful to me.

Do the world a favor and be kind. Be honest.

see you on the road.

https://youtu.be/SG6IMINK6cg

From OLF, I headed to Chicago for a brief doctor's appointment. I did my first solo style stealth urban van camping!

It went well, but I will admit that I don't like having to get out of the van in the morning. I wish I could just get into the cab... something to remember for the next build!

After a semi annoying doctor's appointment, I headed to Lansing to finally sell #medusavan

It was so great to hang with my friend, A, there and we even got to go wine tasting at a farm!

After New Orleans and Tampa, I headed north again for Ohio Lesbian Fest. It was amazing! It felt sooooooo good to hug women and just be in community.

I also went to a great #vanlife workshop and TheGalavan did the first video tour of #Persephonevan (which most of you know, because that's why you started reading this dribble!).

Well, I'm just going to avoid discussing love again here, but I'll just say that this trip was planned when I thought love was possible or happening or whatever.... and I decided to still go on the trip, because I still believe in possibilities.

and fun.

and travel.

So, I hopped on a plane and headed to Tampa and New Orleans!

It was beautiful! I felt empowered! and F$%^ your feelings indeed to the aforementioned no love interest.

After #Persephonevan got diagnosed in KC, I decided to hit Memphis. I wasn't into Nashville so I hoped Memphis would be better, and it sure was! I met some cool folks and saw the National Civil Rights Museum.

Memphis is super cool and I would definitely go back any time (maybe when its a bit cooler)!

So, some of you may know that I am a bit into the witchy woo. I try to draw a tarot card each day and live by basic standards of the Rule of Threefold. I also would say that I believe in possibilities... in all things, including the energies in the world.

This leads me to the big question for today: WHAT THE F$%# IS WRONG WITH MY "SENSOR" ENERGY???!!!

There I was, ready for a 10 day journey from Bend to Atlanta, seeing all the northern states I haven't yet seen. I get in #Persephonevan, ready to go.... and a warning goes off: Transmission Not in Park, select P

No appointments at any Ford Dealers in Oregon.... :(

Instead of going to Zion and all the rest, I had to figure where I could be in 4 days time (the next Monday): Kansas City. So, made an appointment and headed on the road! I know it will be covered by the warranty but I am super irritated. This is the reality of #vanlife... It's a lot of repairs, even with a new van! Hours and Hours of driving through boring landscapes alone...

So, now I am trying to figure out WTF is wrong with my sensor energy.

KC Ford folks told me it's two door sensors, so it thinks the doors are open. It's fine to drive, but the part is on 30 days back order... :(

After doing as much as possible in the Bay Area, I headed north to see my mom and her partner in Bend, OR. Was so nice to see the beautiful Oregon scenery and catch up with my mama!

Also, got to finish the build! My mom helped me to finish the kitchen and then I added my "Living Donor" decal, making it official!

Also, I got my unicorn army ready in case I need them! Persephone and I are officially ready for #vanlife!