Things always seem to go back to you.... I realized recently that it’s been 5 years since we met. I still remember you walking in the doors of Herbivore. I was almost speechless but the near chemical need to be close to you, drew me in and outdid my social awkwardness. We talked all night and all I wanted was to kiss you. That and our first date were the last times that we existed in that space- Easy and happy; not overthinking everything.
And now when I think about you, so close... just one town over when I go to see my sister in Hoboken. I wonder if the suspicion and resentment are still there. I always said that one of your best traits was that you didn’t hold a grudge. One of your best and worst traits, because it got you hurt so much, but it was so beautiful in the end... I wish that could be me.
Instead, I think of all the times you made me defend myself when I hadn’t even done anything but try to love you. I think of those years of holding my own hand while laying awake at 3am. I think of giving you another chance... of giving her too many chances... and of knowing I can’t stay with them as I watch them self sabotage like you did.
It seems to always come back to you. And I still think you were my person.
And now when I think about you, so close... just one town over when I go to see my sister in Hoboken. I wonder if the suspicion and resentment are still there. I always said that one of your best traits was that you didn’t hold a grudge. One of your best and worst traits, because it got you hurt so much, but it was so beautiful in the end... I wish that could be me.
Instead, I think of all the times you made me defend myself when I hadn’t even done anything but try to love you. I think of those years of holding my own hand while laying awake at 3am. I think of giving you another chance... of giving her too many chances... and of knowing I can’t stay with them as I watch them self sabotage like you did.
It seems to always come back to you. And I still think you were my person.
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