Dear You,
I sit here, all dressed up... no place to go... I was supposed to go out, but my plans were cancelled. I listen as the 31 goes by every 10 or 20 minutes. Every time, I imagine it stopping, you getting off, and hearing a knock at my door... I can't even tell which direction it is going, but I still imagine each bus contains you.
even though you prefer the 5 despite the hill...
I know I don't actually want to see you... or I know that seeing you would kill us both. I know that this week has confirmed my decision... yet the firm hand of fear has set itself on my shoulder and won't let go. Fear that I will be alone forever; fear that I gave up the best thing to ever come my way; fear that I am fundamentally fucked up...
Another 31 passes... outbound I think. But no knock.
even though you prefer the 5 despite the hill...
I know you don't understand this and I wish you did. I wish you had've been able to investigate and do the research, rather than retreating into the disconnect world of victimization... I wish this week hadn't confirmed my decision, yet I thank the world that it did...
Another 31 arrives and stops... perhaps inbound this time. But no knock.
even though you prefer the 5 despite the hill...
Another 31; another regret; another disappointment; another moment of devastation...
I pray that one day your path will lead you down a road of understanding so that you will see that you need to do as much work on this as I do... even though you're the one who prays... I pray that one day you will see a glimmer of understanding on the horizon... perhaps just over the hill while on the 31...
even though you prefer the 5 despite the hill...
Love, me
I sit here, all dressed up... no place to go... I was supposed to go out, but my plans were cancelled. I listen as the 31 goes by every 10 or 20 minutes. Every time, I imagine it stopping, you getting off, and hearing a knock at my door... I can't even tell which direction it is going, but I still imagine each bus contains you.
even though you prefer the 5 despite the hill...
I know I don't actually want to see you... or I know that seeing you would kill us both. I know that this week has confirmed my decision... yet the firm hand of fear has set itself on my shoulder and won't let go. Fear that I will be alone forever; fear that I gave up the best thing to ever come my way; fear that I am fundamentally fucked up...
Another 31 passes... outbound I think. But no knock.
even though you prefer the 5 despite the hill...
I know you don't understand this and I wish you did. I wish you had've been able to investigate and do the research, rather than retreating into the disconnect world of victimization... I wish this week hadn't confirmed my decision, yet I thank the world that it did...
Another 31 arrives and stops... perhaps inbound this time. But no knock.
even though you prefer the 5 despite the hill...
Another 31; another regret; another disappointment; another moment of devastation...
I pray that one day your path will lead you down a road of understanding so that you will see that you need to do as much work on this as I do... even though you're the one who prays... I pray that one day you will see a glimmer of understanding on the horizon... perhaps just over the hill while on the 31...
even though you prefer the 5 despite the hill...
Love, me
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