Cora the Performer
  • About me
  • Femme Seeks
  • Musings
  • Upcoming Performances
  • Performance Videos
  • Publications and Reviews
  • Contact Me!

Skin on skin; lover to lover

10/14/2019

0 Comments

 
As I walk through the cobblestone streets of my late teen years, I remember walking these streets in the rain in 1995, trying so hard to shut it down. The wind blows and I hear only the quiet rustling of leaves in the old cemeteries. The streets are empty and the cold nips at my neck, like the ghosts of past lovers.
I remember 18 year old me trying to turn off her feelings; shut down her heart.

Skin on skin

Lover to lover.

Twenty five years later I feel the uneven surface of the cobblestone, hear the crunching of fall leaves under my boots, and ache with the sinking in my chest.

I know I will never be that cold.

You lied every time you said my feelings mattered.

Skin on skin.

Lover to lover.

You lied every time you looked in my eyes and kissed me deeply.

Skin on skin.

Lover to lover.

You lied every time you said you loved me.

Skin on skin.

Lover to lover.

Drops of rain hit my cheek and my chest throbs with pain. My breath is tight from grief and loss.

I think about the beauty of the history within each stone; each building; each structure. I think of all the broken hearted people who have walked these same streets; about the possibilities of spirits walking next to me, within me.

And 42 year old me forgives the me of 25 years ago for trying to shut it down. Because as much as this hurts, I am so grateful that I could never be that cruel to anyone else. I know my tender heart is what brings beauty to the world; brings kindness, silliness and softness to the day and night.

Skin on skin.

Lover to lover.
0 Comments

More ramblings without rhyme or rhythm

10/10/2019

0 Comments

 
I remember waking up that Sunday morning last month. I don't know what changed. I didn't know what had changed, but I knew something huge had lifted.

I will not let you ruin me.

I remember that moment in 2013 when it did. I sat there at the tiny sushi place in the Castro.... she said "you really love her, don't you?" and I realized I did... and that I wanted her in my life so badly that I would do anything.... including slowly killing myself, destroying my heart, my soul, my self esteem, and my self worth.

and on that Sunday morning in Ohio, from the bed of #persephonevan, I realized that I would not let you ruin me.

I am worth so much more than you.

https://youtu.be/P6Xr67cTzwE

​


0 Comments

I believe in possibilities.

10/1/2019

0 Comments

 
You may think I’m a pessimist, always living in the negative, but what you don’t see is that I believe in possibilities.

And always have.

When I was 8 I wrote President Reagan to tell him to throw away his key to the nuclear bomb. I saw peace as a possibility

When I was 15, 18, 23, 25, 28, 32, 35, 38, and 40, I fell in love. I saw all that we could be. I fell deeply, even though the 16 year old goth/ punk rocker in me sighs and scowls and says I have never actually been in love, including now.

I believe in ghosts.

I believe in an afterlife and a next life.

I believe in fairies and vampires and magic.

I believe in aliens and scientific depth.

I believe someone will love me one day, the way I love them. I believe I am worthy. I believe it will come.

But not with you.

i believe you are capable of honesty. I believe it is possible for you to be direct and real.

but not with me.

I believe in my possibilities.

I believe I have the whole world in front of me. Literally.

And I will not give up these possibilities for this. For this nothing. This pain.

I believed I was better than ghosting. But I also know that’s how this will end.

​Im sorry.

​



​
0 Comments
    Picture

    Cora Leighton

    Thoughts about womyn, bodies, performance, life, play, and general randomness.
    If you think things are about you-- they probably aren't.

    Archives

    July 2020
    April 2020
    February 2020
    October 2019
    June 2019
    March 2019
    August 2018
    April 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    September 2017
    August 2017
    June 2017
    June 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    April 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    November 2014
    October 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    January 2013
    October 2012
    May 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012
    December 2011
    November 2011
    October 2011
    August 2011
    July 2011
    April 2011
    January 2011
    December 2010
    November 2010
    October 2010
    September 2010

    Categories

    All

    RSS Feed

Proudly powered by Weebly