Dear You,
Because no one else will tell you this, I will:
It's okay to feel this completely exhausted about the job search. It is ok to feel like hope is lost, and that you just wasted 7 years and $100k. It's ok to feel like you don't know how to get out of this pit or that it will take a miracle, and the world is short on miracles these days...
It's ok to feel like you will never get a job. It's ok to wish that you could figure out how to communicate how awesome you are in a 2 page letter. It's ok to feel lost because no one else can see that.
I remember when you wrote this: "I just want to be semi-good at this. I don't need to be a super star or win any awards. I just want to make a tiny difference in the occasional student's life." It was in the middle of your Master's Program... so many years later and the same truth remains....
It's ok that you have to read that letter from your student almost every day to get through this: "Honestly, you have been an inspirational teacher for me..." It's ok not to know when "through this" will be...
So, it's ok to be mad at your friends when they tell stories about how one can just get a job if they put the intention out there... or when they tell you that "everything happens for a reason" from the cushiness of their employed status. It's ok to be upset with the propaganda out there that tells of the Amerikan dream, and how everyone who is unemployed is just lazy or stupid or both.... And it's ok to need people to stop telling you that it will be ok, and just accept that it is NOT ok now because that is what you are dealing with...
It's ok to be mad at that woman you dated who said you two probably wouldn't have fought if you hadn't been so stressed about the job search.... and it's ok to feel like you don't want to continue to waste all of your time on cover letters for jobs you will never get...
It's ok to still want this more than anything in the world, and it's ok that you don't understand why no one can see what an amazing colleague you would be, if given the chance.
it's ok that it is not ok...
love, me
Because no one else will tell you this, I will:
It's okay to feel this completely exhausted about the job search. It is ok to feel like hope is lost, and that you just wasted 7 years and $100k. It's ok to feel like you don't know how to get out of this pit or that it will take a miracle, and the world is short on miracles these days...
It's ok to feel like you will never get a job. It's ok to wish that you could figure out how to communicate how awesome you are in a 2 page letter. It's ok to feel lost because no one else can see that.
I remember when you wrote this: "I just want to be semi-good at this. I don't need to be a super star or win any awards. I just want to make a tiny difference in the occasional student's life." It was in the middle of your Master's Program... so many years later and the same truth remains....
It's ok that you have to read that letter from your student almost every day to get through this: "Honestly, you have been an inspirational teacher for me..." It's ok not to know when "through this" will be...
So, it's ok to be mad at your friends when they tell stories about how one can just get a job if they put the intention out there... or when they tell you that "everything happens for a reason" from the cushiness of their employed status. It's ok to be upset with the propaganda out there that tells of the Amerikan dream, and how everyone who is unemployed is just lazy or stupid or both.... And it's ok to need people to stop telling you that it will be ok, and just accept that it is NOT ok now because that is what you are dealing with...
It's ok to be mad at that woman you dated who said you two probably wouldn't have fought if you hadn't been so stressed about the job search.... and it's ok to feel like you don't want to continue to waste all of your time on cover letters for jobs you will never get...
It's ok to still want this more than anything in the world, and it's ok that you don't understand why no one can see what an amazing colleague you would be, if given the chance.
it's ok that it is not ok...
love, me
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