No performative writing today– just straight up queer thoughts.
So, I just finished a series of performance events that centered on my tattoos and piercings and scars as parts of my body map. They tell you where I have been, where I am now and where I am going– if you know how to read the map… I started a version or two of that performance with a joke about how no one ever expects me to be a professor. And really, I am not trying to say “whoa is me! I am so weird and people just don’t get me!” I am just speaking from experience, that people rarely see me and think “she’s probably a professor.”
And really, that’s fine. I recognize that I also judge people from their appearance. I often judge people for the appearance of judging me… I had an experience at the gym a couple of months ago that I could tell this guy was talking about my tats, but I thought he was saying mean stuff… It turns out, he was really nice and was interested in the work because his daughter is similar to me…
So, I have been hyper-aware of these external negotiations lately is the point…
But I have also been living in a new place, and negotiating the making of new friends… I have a group of acquaintances that are wonderful womyn, but I feel somewhat removed from… I understand that I am not everyone’s cup o’ tea, and I think these womyn and I are good as distant friends, but in the end, I don’t fit in that well with them… Within the group, I have met two new womyn who feel incredibly judgmental about my tattoos and me in general. I always feel surprised when I encounter this in womyn’s spaces and in the womyn’s communities, though I am not sure why…. I know there is judgment based in fear everywhere, yet it still surprises me when I encounter it in these otherwise “safe” communities…
So, I just finished a series of performance events that centered on my tattoos and piercings and scars as parts of my body map. They tell you where I have been, where I am now and where I am going– if you know how to read the map… I started a version or two of that performance with a joke about how no one ever expects me to be a professor. And really, I am not trying to say “whoa is me! I am so weird and people just don’t get me!” I am just speaking from experience, that people rarely see me and think “she’s probably a professor.”
And really, that’s fine. I recognize that I also judge people from their appearance. I often judge people for the appearance of judging me… I had an experience at the gym a couple of months ago that I could tell this guy was talking about my tats, but I thought he was saying mean stuff… It turns out, he was really nice and was interested in the work because his daughter is similar to me…
So, I have been hyper-aware of these external negotiations lately is the point…
But I have also been living in a new place, and negotiating the making of new friends… I have a group of acquaintances that are wonderful womyn, but I feel somewhat removed from… I understand that I am not everyone’s cup o’ tea, and I think these womyn and I are good as distant friends, but in the end, I don’t fit in that well with them… Within the group, I have met two new womyn who feel incredibly judgmental about my tattoos and me in general. I always feel surprised when I encounter this in womyn’s spaces and in the womyn’s communities, though I am not sure why…. I know there is judgment based in fear everywhere, yet it still surprises me when I encounter it in these otherwise “safe” communities…
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