this way

I don't remember when it was-- for my defense? for my graduation? some other random time?
But I do remember that she asked if we were friends.
"We could talk forever, if we had the time," I responded, and she said "I can see that."

That was my truth then and for years after. That was our truth.

So, it seems ironic (in the Alanis Morissette way) that it would end with silence... that it would end this way-- with you angry at me for wanting to talk, to communicate, to clear the air...

I don't remember you in this completely straight woman way, but I do remember that it was always there, even if I didn't notice until you yelled at me, finishing with "I wouldn't have yelled at you if I didn't care about you."

So, it seems normal to be completely thrown by this; not understanding what I did wrong or why you refuse to communicate with me...

I don't remember what my response was, but I do remember feeling like I should say "I am almost sure that's what an abuser says after he beats someone to tears or worse."

So, it seems completely tragic that this is how it is going to end; with silence and passive-aggression, you angry about my desire to talk, to have a voice, to speak my truths.... and one day I will think with the same tears in my eyes, missing you so much, as I do right now:

I don't remember how it ended, but I do remember it ended like this...