Today

Today on the BART I saw you as an old man. You were so cute. You looked at me and smiled and that's how I knew it was you. You had the same lips you have now and the same smile-- which is really more of a smirk-- but you were old and male. And for a moment, I forgot all about iPhone thieves, grading, and past loves who I wish were on speaking terms....

I just rode the BART, imagining what it would be like to see you grow old; imagining what it would be like to see you trust yourself enough to open to life; imagining what it would be like to allow myself that gift-- the gift of opening to life. But I know what that means... so, I stay here, allowing my body to crush me one inch at a time at a glacial pace, so slow no one notices.... not you and not anyone else.

That's why I loved seeing you as an old man. You had this peace around you... it seemed like you had opened up and let go of your fear that you don't deserve this. You smiled at me with a freedom I have never really seen in you. You smiled at me in a way that made me think you would ask how I was-- drop me a note to see how my day was going, just because you were interested... And in that moment, I felt a little less alone. I knew I would come back to reality as fast as I let myself slip away, but it was nice for a moment to be there with you-- happy and open... to whatever was happening with our future selves....