waiting to get my Phd
waiting for the grading to be done
waiting to get a Tenure Track job
waiting to lose another 5 pounds
waiting for you.
But what am I waiting for? What rests at the end of this line?
I guess that's why I hate the morning after, even when I am in a relationship, which, incidentally, I am almost always waiting for... I hate waking up and waiting.
Waiting for the morning sex to be over
waiting to shower
waiting for the coffee
waiting for the conversation not to be awkward...
So I sit here, done with all my work, waiting for you to call, thinking about all the waiting I do in my life...
When I was 3 or 4... I remember sitting waiting for something... what, I do not know.... The preschool teacher said "oh, Cora is so patient!" It was the first time I heard that word so I didn't know if I should be happy or sad. I wasn't old enough to judge the tone of her voice, and you never really can tell from that anyway... teachers of young children often master the art of disguising their tone of voice so it sounds completely pleasant regardless of the message.... adults in relationships often suffer the opposite problem.... It was then that I learned that patient was a good adjective. I was to wait and be patient.
It was much later that I learned that patient is a very bad noun, despite its connections to the adjective... Alas, I digress as I wait, which I often do when I am waiting...
So, I wait here, which seems incredibly passive, but is actually quite active when waiting consists of working 80-100 hours a week, trying to make this work, and working out in general.
I am done waiting....
Done waiting for you decide you want to do this,
Done waiting for them to decide they want to do this,
Done waiting to decide if I want to do this.
Done waiting for you to trust me.